This Is My Testimony To God's Glory

The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. 1corinthians 2:14

What I could have gained from this piece of information when I was lost, hurting and confused. I knew I wanted out of the hell I was living. I knew there had to be something more for me than what I saw. I knew I couldn’t stay where I was; but I didn’t know what or how. What could “i” do? I had heard God’s name; most if not all of it good, but I was not familiar with Him. I thought; I made the decision to go to church. Now, I know differently; God had me all along. But at the beginning of this journey, “i” was in control. I got my son and self dressed, in the car and off to church we went.



Oh my goodness, are you serious? It was loud, crazy and foreign to me. They were crying, screaming, clapping and jumping; but they appeared to be happy. The music was loud, my son covered his ears and I wanted to. When they prayed for people they put something on their foreheads and touched them. I was frozen, really trying to figure out what the “hell” was going on around me. I thought these people are crazy. It was all I could do not to snatch my son’s hand and RUN! Which is exactly what I did the first inconspicuous moment I got; with the thought of NEVER returning.



I didn’t understand. I made excuses why I didn’t believe. I went to work and laughed about it with other lost souls. It was ALL “foolish” to me. I did not think that dramatic display was necessary to have whatever it was I was looking for.



A Word went forth, I don’t remember it but I do remember feeling like the pastor was looking and speaking directly to me. It was like she’d been where I had been and seen what I had been through. It was uncomfortable and I felt exposed. Exposed is not a good feeling, but it is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.



A lot of times when we’ve been used, misused, betrayed, abused, hurt, broken, left for dead, etc.; all we see is that person we feel did it. Even if we are they betraying abuser ourselves; all we know is at the time, what we did met a purpose for us; right or wrong. We are blinded to the magnitude of our actions or lack thereof. All we see is the dark, empty, ugliness that surrounds us. We hear that whisper beckoning us to die as we welcome the thought. I knew well this place; it was home for many years.



Until one day, I walked into a church with my son. I watched and listened, but heard nothing. I was scared and intimidated and I ran. I refused to go back. You might ask;’ what do I mean by refused, who was trying to make me go back?’ I had to ask that same question. My mind was playing with me. I could not get that place or those people out of my head. Something was calling me back. For months I had a constant struggle. I for sure was going crazy. Why would I ever go back to that craziness? The real question was; how could I remain in the circus of lies I was already in? I wasn’t going without a fight and I sure nuff gave it. Until there was no fighting that Call anymore; I had to go back and I did. But I didn’t have to like it! I tried with all of my might to find my excuse, to make up my reason; to quit. I did quit a couple of times only to return a few weeks or months later. What I hadn’t noticed was that my life was calm when I was there. When I left I took that "Word" thing with me and I read it. Eventually I caught myself clapping, and smiling and enjoying the Word. I looked around to see if anyone noticed; but they all seemed to be in a place all their own; so I kept clapping, smiling and enjoying the Word and the fellowship. It felt right.



Thirteen years later, it still feels right. People from my church would probably welcome my quiet days of yesteryear; because today I am one of those “loud crazy people”, praising, anointing heads, laying hands in prayer, worshipping and loving God with everyone else. Hallelujah!



What I hope you receive is that I had no clue. I now know when I hear an anointed word because my spirit leaps inside. I know the difference between hearing God’s voice or any other that comes in my ear. I recognize God’s Spirit because it faithfully resides with mine. Something I never thought possible has come to pass. Now I have the responsibility and honor to pay it forward. My entire life, good, bad, and ugly is a testimony to God’s grace, mercy and love.



My church may not be the church for you. God is bigger than a church or a denomination; He can do it anywhere. Many, including myself have said, “I don’t need to go to church to know God.” That is true and yes, God can meet you at home, in jail, the hospital, school, and on the streets, where ever; but there is a power in numbers, unity and commitment when you are fighting for your life and the lives of others. No matter how saved we may think we are; we can still fall. Our church home is and should be our safety net. It is there to support, love, hold accountable, catch, encourage, walk beside, and pick each other up.



This word is for the lost, unbeliever, backslider, and the person sitting in the pew desiring, but unable to hear (discern) what the spirit is saying through the spoken or written Word. It is for all of us at any point in our lives. I know how confused I was and I have empathy for those who yearn for, make light of, or profess to hate the Word/God simply because they can’t hear and understand it.



I could say read 1Corinthians 2 or the whole bible, but we also need God representatives; our Pastors, ministers, saints of God to teach and help us and for us to help them grow in the Word. There is a wealth of information, correction, life instruction, lessons, laws, laughter and love in the Bible to be shared. It is prayerfully all yours to retrieve. God bless you all.



I thank Bishop J.Dixon for his ministry because I am blessed and encouraged. I want to hear and help God’s Word reach the multitudes. I Thank my Pastor, Suffragan Bishop A.J. Cushinberry for her continued love, support, teaching and preaching. When I hear a spiritual word from someone else it is usually a word of confirmation for a word I’ve already received from her.